This christmas I suddenly saw something surprising: Where have my christmas gone? All of the sudden I noticed that it is away, have been since the last snow melted. I looked behind corners - not any sign.  I  looked up to the sky, there was just black surface with stars on it. I tryed even search from eyes of other people  staring deep into them. But there I could  see only their own christmas, not mine.

 

 

I had to wonder: What is this all about? What has taken my christmas away? It has never been depending on amount of snow nor christmas songs. It hasn`t been depending on company, eating and drinking with glad or sad people,.   All  that is  in my possibilities to  reach now as before. But still my christmas is missing and what is most therrible: I dont really care.

I dont really need it to remember one of the gratest theachers who has ever been on this earth. I dont need reminding about his radiant love. That kind of love in our harts could give even a christmas pack, because it would make us to live christmas every day. Now my little love can`t stand sharing anything, it just wants to own. And do I even try to be honest at least to my self.

Maybe my christmas is somewhere in the jungle of selfishness. How do i find it from so dark  and thick jungle. "You just have to believe, that it`s going to change, that you change it yourself. There is nobody else to do  it, only you can bring light in the darkest corner of your heart." - What, who said that? Was it my own heart or that grate teacher...

Did I find Christmas again? Maybe every time I do it, when I see something about trouth... Even in a quick flash.